So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
