I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
