At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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