do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
