good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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