i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Someone signed my nipple.
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