Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
