I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
