he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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