I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
