I wish I could teleport
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
