I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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