Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize