I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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