I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
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No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize