remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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