kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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