just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
