Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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