I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
