i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
