did you get engaged???
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize