The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
