You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
