My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
