I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
