he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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