we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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