She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
