It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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