The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
