I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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