hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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