and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
