I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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