I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
