and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
