He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
