Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
