Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
you had me at cake vodka
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
