Me too!
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
