wat bout pragnant strippers??
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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