Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
