You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
