Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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