I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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