the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
