Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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