i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
