I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
