you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
