i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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