Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
