We're facebook friends in real life
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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