My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
