You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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