There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
please come you make the beer taste better
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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