Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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