He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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