i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
