I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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