I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
