So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
