i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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