hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
