My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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