Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is Oprah even human
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
