people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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