You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
