Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
