What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
