We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
