mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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