just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
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Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
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It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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