I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
