How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
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The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
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"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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