i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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