He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
